I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
