I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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