im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
