Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
