I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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