Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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