Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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