I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
