high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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