4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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