mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
