can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
