I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
