i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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