did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
