You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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