i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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