i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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