I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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