So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
