I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
