I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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