They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
