ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
