sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
