you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
