I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
