The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize