Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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