tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
