my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
