Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
