my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize