he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
