Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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