Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize