So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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