Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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