I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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