I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
