I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
