OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
