Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
