you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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