dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
