Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
