True but thats because hes a fetus.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
