I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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