Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
