was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
