Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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