If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
