someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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