There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
