New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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