I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
