i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
