Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
