I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize